Gratitude

No pictures tonight...just wanted to blab for a sec. I just got off the phone with one of my best friends in life whose mother is going through a really really hard time right now-she lost her husband/my friend's dad two years ago to cancer, and now she finally found someone else she wanted to spend her life with: he just found out he has cancer yesterday. And not a good kind to have, if you had your druthers. She just happens to be in town with her son/my friend here in Vegas now, and I'm so glad he could be there for her. She needs him right now. They are consumed by "the heavy" right now and I have internalized their pain in the past few days. I know what it's like COMPLETELY to watch someone I love go through cancer multiple times. I've lived where they are right now. I know what it's like to watch the other people I love live in 'the heavy' and suffer emotionally while our loved one suffers physically. It's hell on earth. I feel for them so much and feel this never ending need to continue to pray for their hearts to feel peace through this horrible time for them.

I am so grateful though, that I had the opportunity at a young age to suffer and age and gain the perspective I have now at a young 31 years. The understanding I have of the 'secrets of the universe' (as my friend terms my knowledge...lol!) I would've never come to without the gospel and without going through those trials. :) (And I've only scratched the surface of what God wants me to know.) My faith is stronger, my logic is stronger, my ability to deal with trials is stronger, my relationship with God is stronger, etc. It makes me SO GRATEFUL for every one of my trials, no matter how difficult it was to get through, for so many reasons. I have so much compassion-it is one of my greatest gifts from God. I was born with an unusual amount of compassion anyhow (like the kid in "Sixth Sense"...i've always been a little freaky compassionate. LOL) but with those trials I'm ridiculously compassionate now. I have a bit more of an understanding of how Christ sees all of us. I see my fellow men with so much love and compassion. And I do tend to internalize their pain and cry with them. When I start to think how weird I must be or seem for that I remember my favorite story in the New Testament. When Christ came upon Mary and Martha and Lazarus after he died, and they were sobbing and in so much emotional pain, what did He do? "Jesus wept." He knew darn well He could and would raise Lazarus from the dead and 'fix' their problem, but His compassion overtook Him and He cried with them first. So I suppose I'm in good company? lol

Thank goodness I went through what I did or I wouldn't be blessed with such a gift that comes with such heavy responsibility! People open up all the time to me...almost every day...even at the dog groomers today the lady behind the desk cried to me about when she lost her son years ago...dunno...I have come to realize I have a sign on my forehead (that my mother wears too) that says 'Even if I don't know you... I love you, talk to me, I'll listen.' I like my little sign. :) I hope it never fades away. Even though I feel physical pain at times from internalizing other people's hurt I love being compassionate. I made a lady at the dog groomers today feel loved and that makes me happy. My friend knows I am one of the few he can talk to about his heart's pain (and he does) and that makes me happy. Thanks to Heavenly Father I have a unique ability to listen, to sympathize, to comfort, to maybe bring a little peace now to my friend that now kneels in the midst of where I was years ago. I have such a deep understanding of the plan of salvation and a peace about death that most never have. And there's still SO much more to learn...I'm in awe of God's greatness and wisdom. I'm so grateful for the little wisdom He blessed me with! (I'm amazed sometimes at the depth of my testimony...concepts that seem simple to me seem too deep for others at times and I wonder why I've been so blessed with understanding.) I'm so grateful for the gospel and for my one on one relationship with God...for Him declaring things to my heart that I know are true and will never be without. How lucky I am. I wish I could copy and paste my spiritual heart to my friend so that he could know too.